Rules for dating my teenage daughter joke

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.

Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.

If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.

Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like change the oil in my car and rotate the tires?

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me.

You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.

If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.

However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

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  1. Match has a busy interface and requires you to purchase a subscription to anything worthwhile, but it lets users execute highly detailed searches that help them fine-tune their experiences. A menu at the top of the screen houses important options such as Search, Matches, Messages, Events (mix-and-mingle parties for singles), and Connections (where you can see favorited profiles, Winks, and more).