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and I'm not talking about sugar-free carbonated soft drinks.We live in a fluff-free era—people know what they want and aren't afraid to express their opinion in ALL CAPS, followed by a series of passive-aggressive emojis. In hopes of answering your burning questions, here are 13 dating apps ranked (lovingly and subjectively) on how likely you are to end up takin' old one-eye to the optometrist.Our members aren't just flakes, full of themselves and only online to have guys hit on them; our members just want to have a good time, connect, and have sex and lots of it!The Hookup Cloud will help you get laid, guaranteed!Sure, if you have a girlfriend you can get laid semi-regularly, but is it worth the headache?

However, you will be getting LAID EVERY SINGLE NIGHT (of the first Monday of the month when it's convenient) when you're married. Like Beanie Babies were supposed to do in the 21st century, Hot or Not made a legit comeback with its app. In the spirit of love, harmony, and unbridled passion, 3nder brings people together for the sole purpose of participating in a threesome. Burns is told that he has literally every disease in the world, but they've all balanced themselves out within his body and are keeping him alive. At first, yes—now people Tinder at work, in meetings, maybe during lunch, and DEFINITELY during Bar Mitzvahs.

Every member who has signed up for our site has had sex with someone from the site, and that is why we pride ourselves on our ability to get everyone laid.

How many times have you spent 0 at a bar then spent the whole night getting rejected?

Unfortunately, we're literally engineered to gravitate towards attractive individuals who smell like redwood trees and caramel.

If a phone sex hotline and Tinder drank and had a baby, it would come out as Revealr.

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We have things to do and nobody wants to be wasting their time watching some crappy TV show that you hate just so you can have some mediocre sex later.

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