Dating tips newly divorced men
Maybe you're relieved, maybe you're heartbroken -- or a bit of both.
But however you got here, the question now is where do you go from here?
Don't dwell on those feelings, but make room for them," Falk says. There is an empty space where something once filled it up, even if that something may not have been desirable." Don't tote that heavy baggage from your previous relationship into your new life.
Find a way to work through the lingering emotions from the demise of your marriage, advises psychologist Robert Alberti, Ph D, co-author of Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends.
So, even if a divorce surprises you, saying that it was you who didn't see what was happening—instead of implying that maybe the divorcing couple has made a mistake—is much kinder. I had no idea." Asking a newly divorced person if she tried therapy, or a vacation without the kids, or regular date nights or any other way to forestall the divorce is going to play right into that voice in her head, the voice that says: You should have tried harder. It's an inevitable worry when the stakes are so high—though, in my experience, more people rush into marriage than rush into divorce. I knew my first husband for less than half a year when we got engaged, and no one tried to slow us down. And there was something about being in that home, feeling the complexity of all those years of two people living together, raising children into adulthood together, somehow "making it" for decades, that made me realize that, try as we might, our marriage could not survive. If it's your sister who's getting divorced, and you know she is up against a real so-and-so and you're superclose, you get to say this.That may mean talking out your feelings with a therapist or focusing your energy in a healthy activity you enjoy."It's common to sweep these emotions under the table, but you have to work through them or they'll pollute your life going forward," Alberti says.So, of course people who didn't really know us were surprised.But when they expressed that surprise—"but you two always seemed so happy," it often felt like an accusation.